xybermatthew

Recently while camping with some friends our kids made an impression on another family and I just had to share with the world what they said about our kids.

We love your family so much!  Sarah is a doll, so nurturing, agreeable, and such a gentle leader.  Ethan is all-boy, so ready for an adventure, and such a hero to my little guys.  Isabelle is adorable, so very charming, and has stolen my husband’s heart.  And Noah is compliant, easy to please, and so happy to just be invited.  And of course you know your family will always include Andrew, in our hearts and minds… and I thought of him so often this weekend.  It was a pleasure to live life with your family, for four whole days.

As a parent, there’s many days you feel like you’re failing.  This was such a nice reminder that we’re doing ok.

Awhile back I posted about our expecting baby.  At that time we didn’t know whether-or-not we would be having a boy or a girl.

Then on May 8th, 2010 at 12:03pm Andrew Scott Kaden was born weighing 5.6 lbs and measuring 18.5 inches long.

Here a picture:

Baby Andrew

Andrew was perfectly beautiful and we were so excited to have him.  I personally was finally happy to meet him.

After about two days in the hospital we were expecting to be discharged and head home but an unexpected event occurred—Andrew was moved to the NICU for further observation because he wasn’t eating and some of his physical responses weren’t normal.

Shortly after (just a few days) the NICU doctor ordered some tests and had a Pediatric Cardiologist take a look at Andrew to which we discovered that our little guy had Coarctation of the Aorta a congenital condition whereby the aorta narrows in the area where the ductus arteriosus inserts.  In other words, the main artery going to his lower half was stifled and his stomach, intestines, legs, etc. weren’t getting enough blood.  This might have explained his lack in appetite.  However, this didn’t explain his abnormal physical responses, perhaps he just wasn’t getting enough food to support his growing body and thus a lack of strength.

In addition, the doctors also ordered a ultrasound of Andrew’s brain which suggested that his mid-brain section hadn’t developed correctly and that there might be some minor issues with how his brain signals crossed over from one sphere to the other.  Nonetheless, they told us that there was no concern but we would have to watch how he would develop over the coming years and that there might be some physical therapy to help him overcome any challenges.

So the decision was to transfer him to a hospital that specializing in Pediatric care for heart and pulmonary surgery.

After we had moved Andrew, we scheduled the surgery and moved forward with lots of pray and faith in God.  Then as part of the surgery routine it was decided to do an MRI of Andrew’s brain to get a clearer picture.  After a successful surgery, we discovered from the MRI that Andrew had Gray matter heterotopia a neurological disorder caused by clumps of grey matter being located in the wrong part of the brain.  From what has been discovered about this disorder most baby’s don’t survive birth even if they have it only in a portion of their brains—Andrew had it in his entire brain!!!  That means that Andrew was a miracle baby because he was not only born, but lived 22 days and went through heart surgery.

By the way, Andrew is Greek for Manly or Warrior or Courageous.  Andrew was no doubt a warrior and fought for his life.  In addition, in the New Testament the apostle Andrew, was the first disciple to join Jesus, and was the brother of Simon Peter.  In a weird way it’s interesting to think that in our family Andrew was the first to go home to be with Jesus.

Andrew the Warrior

Anyway, when we learned of his brain condition a lot of answers were explained including that Andrew would never live a normal life and could have never lived without artificial assistance.  The best case scenario would have been 10–15 years of life with maybe a smile or grunt from him with a lot of tubes and mechanical devices.  Nonetheless it was obvious that Andrew’s body was shutting down and was unable to sustain—he was building up fluid in his lungs, his heart was erratic, and he was having multiple seizures (in one case when I was holding him, he had a five minute seizure) amongst the many other abnormal physical examples.

Because of his rapid decline we quickly moved him to a hospice where we were able to spend that last few hours with him.  It was an awesome time because it was the first time we got to dress him up in his clothes, give him a car ride, hold him without tubes and wires, and just love on him.  The doctors told us that babies usually take one to two weeks to pass but Andrew passed in under 48 hours.  During those precious hours we were able to have family photos taken, have friends, family, and acquaintances meet him and hold him.

In the end, we know that God was with us, strengthened us, and used Andrew, his short life, and us as part of his ultimate plan (even if it’s hundreds of years from now before we see the “true” impact; 1 Thessalonians 4-10).

Andrew Scott Kaden Moore was his name and is was selected by us as his parents.  The first letter of each name is part of an acronym that sounds like “ASK Him” (ASK-M); Deuteronomy 4:29.  Even though we truly don’t know why we lost Andrew, we have faith in the reason why.

We love you Andrew.

According to the “What is Your Archetype?” analysis, found at http://avidtran.tripod.com/archetype.html, I’m a:

Seeker

The Seeker explores internal and external realities and is willing to give up security, community, and intimacy for autonomy. Seekers find out who they are by differentiaiting themselves from others. At worst, they are just outsiders. At best, they find their unique identities and vocations.

To a certain degree, I would have to concur.  I do enjoying discovering things, finding out about stuff, looking for answers.  But the question still remains what is that good for and how do I make a living at it?  I don’t want to be a librarian or research analysts.  Also what about my artistic and creative problem solving abilities where do those come in and how can they be integrated for the greater good?

One things for sure these kind of tests can only describe a portion of oneself and that’s good.  But on the other-hand it only makes it more difficult because it’s way to vague.  I guess I’ll just keep “seeking” for the realities of who I am and what I should do on this earth.

Isabelle moments after she was born

I can’t believe in about 10–11 weeks we will have another child in our family (gender is still unknown).  Due on Lisa and I’s tenth wedding anniversary, WOW!

I’m pretty excited about the new addition but I’m completely FREAKING OUT about the impact it will have on us.  For starters we need to get a new vehicle—we’re thinking of maybe getting a Suburban but we just don’t have the funds.  Then there is all the stuff we gave away because we thought we were finished (i.e., changing table, swing, etc.).  Next there is the huge expense of diapers (lions) and wipes (tigers) and formula—if breast feeding doesn’t go well (bears), oh my!!!

Don’t forget about the lack of sleep and how that increases the stress levels in all the other areas of life.  I’m hoping work will be flexible with me for the first couple of months until we can all get in to a rhythm.

Nonetheless, I’m sure will be fine.  God has blessed us with healthy children already and believe-it-or-not we’ve also been able to survive financially (thus far and one paycheck at a time; we’re also reducing our debt instead of spending). Even so, we haven’t been able to take a vacation in ten years or spend some good quality time as a family doing fun things like camping for more then a night.

One positive outcome—we’ll be able to empty nesters at a much younger age in comparison to all of our friends.

As is stands I have the opportunity to change my life and that of my family’s for better or for worse, let’s hope it’s all for the better.

Recently being laid off, in a dwindling economy, I’ve been forced to consider some things. Questions I’m asking myself are, “who am I?” and “what do I want to do?” as well as “how can I provide for my family and glorify the Lord?” As a result I’ve considered a few ideas.

The first idea of going freelance, providing web design and front-end development for any client that needs the service. Yet, I don’t think I’m ready for this step nor do I think I want the stress of finding clients, managing clients, an invoice and billing system, let alone the start up cost to providing such services (i.e., I need a new computer, monitor, external hard drive, and a some adobe software — my current computer is an older PowerBook G4; donations anyone?).

Second, do I just take whatever job comes my way and forget about building a career path. If I do that what kind of money will I make? Will it provide enough for the family? Will I be forced to take on two or more jobs? What will it be? A truck driver, a cook, an electrician, quality control agent for some warehouse and distribution company?

Third, maybe I should switch roles and focus more on a Product Manager instead of a Front-end Web Developer. Seems to fit my personality and background a bit more — will have to give that more thought.

Forth, take whatever job, but try to build out a few of my product ideas. Whatever happens I might still end up doing this anyway. The only problem again is cash to hire the help needed to get them off the ground and marketed.

Fifth, maybe I could have some fun and try out for The Best Job Ever. I’m sure my whole family would enjoy the adventure.

Sixth, should I just go out and create some buzz about some random topic and video stream and blog about it. Maybe I’ll find a niche that will take me to the next job. I just need to spend some cash again and get some equipment.

Hum, there’s a lot of stuff to think about and some mountains to climb. Anybody have a crazy thought or suggestion?

Okay, five days later since the day of bad news and here are the phases I’ve been through thus far:

• The “HOLY CRUD WHAT THE HECK I’M I GOING TO DO NOW!!!”
• “I’m pissed off!!!”
• “I’m not worthy!”
• “Why me?”
• “What did I do or didn’t do to deserve this?”
• “What could I have done to have been ‘passed over,’ lamb’s blood?”
• A few sleepless nights.
• Migraines from the lack of sleep and stress.
• “Whatever, I’m just a foreigner in this life anyway.”
• “God, I hate disappointing my wife and kids.”
• “God, I’m at your mercy — please forgive me and have grace for me.”
• “Time to get-r-done!”

So now that I’ve gone through that (which I hope is normal and healthy) I’ve finally put my nose to the “grind stone.”  I’ve schedule my orientation with the free career counseling company provided by my previous employer, filed for unemployment, updated my resume, created a cover letter, updated my facebook profile, my linkedin profile, sent out a few emails to friends and network connection and started to hunt for jobs.

First place: Previous colleagues’ recommend I check out the Rocky Mountain Internet Users Group (rmiug) group on yahoo.  Nothing but Java Developers and DBA positions — doesn’t fit my skill set.

Second place: Craigslist.  Not bad, found a couple leads, but I might have to take a reduction in pay OF ABOUT 20,000 to 30,000, OUCH!!!  Oh wait, this one looks promising…blab, blab, yeah good, blab, great ,blab, OH WHAT, WHAT?!?, “Must be proficient in MYSQL, PHP, Java, Dreamweaver, Photoshop, Illustrator, InDesign, HTML and CSS. 30K per year plus bonus.”

Okay, I don’t know ANY designer who can programming in PHP or Java NOR do I know any programmer/developer that can be awesome in Photoshop, Illustrator, and InDesign.  Hey bonehead, I know you’re on a tight budget like the rest of the start-ups but you’re going to get what you pay for.  My suggestion, hire someone who’s either a good designer who can make your site look good (which might help you to get VC funds) or hire a good programmer who can make your site do awesome stuff (and earn some money to hire a great designer).  In other words, your mix of required skills is like a tuna-fish and peanut-butter sandwich, YUCK!  A designer uses their right brain and a programmer uses their left — just like a brain they are two separate hemispheres that work together as a pair.  Sure there might be some cross-over but they are complete opposites.

Phew, got that off my chest.

Panic!  Is this another phase?  Because these jobs look like entry jobs or they might be start-up companies and the pay is very little.  Looks like I’m going to have to wait tables, stock grocery isles, delivery pizzas, clean offices or something after I get a full-time job just to make ends meet.  That will be healthy!

Maybe I can sell my skin and have advertisers tattoo their ads on me.

I updated my resume and added downloadable version in PDF, RTF, and TXT. I’ve also added a Grand Central Web Call Button to all everyone easy access to me via the phone.

Please have a look at http://xybermatthew.com/resume/

This past weekend we’re suppose to go camping with my parents and siblings at Boyd lake in Loveland. But the wife is 38 weeks pregnant and her doctor put his foot down because he was concerned that the baby wasn’t getting enough food. In fact he was so concerned that he even called in a specialist to meet with her first thing this morning. Needless to say we had to cancel.

Anyway, but because we were slated to do some family time I got in big trouble for not having a Plan B. I didn’t think it was going to be such a big deal since we did a family thing last weekend with the in-laws and we are planning to do more this coming weekend (western welcome week) I thought I would use the time to catch up on some sleep and work on my side project I’ve been developing.

Point to note (and self), communicate with your spouse your thoughts and get your spouse to do the same with you. That way nobody’s feelings are hurt nor are their expectations.

Oh I should mention we still went out to dinner as a family – here a pic have a happy wife: